Against the will of my financial advisors who think I shouldn’t be doing this for free, I have been giving out tips that will make you the greatest at whatever you choose to be in Nollywood within 5 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re welcome. Don’t mention. I will continue doing good in this world I came.

So, for those who have consistently asked how they can make it at an audition, this piece is for you. If you do these 5 things, you’re nailed on to ace any Nollywood audition you attend – regardless of whether it is the audition for a remixed Lion King or the part 2 of Black Panther.

1. Wear your best attire.

See ehn, you don’t have to be great at acting. Are you great at dressing? If yes, you’re already three-quarters of the way through. If you’re a man, look for a suit and a crisp tie plus agonisingly pointed shoes. If you’re a woman, please expose whatever you can expose. Nigerian men are kuku dogs. abi? And this is Nollywood, where your talent shouldn’t matter one bit! If you can open up, you can receive greatness.

2. Mention all the things you have done. Everything!

If you mention things that happened in your dreams, it’s OK. No one will judge you. Just don’t be modest. Modesty helps no one. It won’t help you if you want to be the greatest Nollywood has ever seen. Once you are called in and you mention your name, just go into a confessional. Don’t stop after one sentence. Even if they try to stop you, don’t budge. It is your audition, not theirs.

3. Speak with an accent.

What other way to set yourself apart and show you know this job if not by speaking with any accent you can find on your way to the audition? Don’t worry if it is an accent that didn’t previously exist. Just be certain you sound like a foreigner. The closer you can get to the British and American accent, the better. But that is not compulsory. Any accent will do, as long as you don’t sound like a Nigerian. Maybe you need to find and study clips of Beverly Naya.

4. Be over-the-top with your acting.

When asked to act out a portion of a script or a monologue, you will have to be over the top with your acting. Gesticulate, scream, laugh hysterically, raise your voice, don’t stand in one place. Be seriously melodramatic. You need to be noticed, and being cool with your acting will not get you noticed. Have you seen Patience Ozokwor playing a wicked stepmother? Dazz how star (and upcoming star should) do.

5. Don’t interact with the other infidels actors who came for the audition.

Please, where did you people learn that rubbish of interacting and making friends with other actors during an audition? What uselessness is that? Don’t you people know that this is a competition? Do you smile and exchange numbers with your opponent in a WWF showdown? Imagine Anthony Joshua exchanging business cards with that American dude who bit his ear? Wait, what? I mixed up this bit? Whatever! You get my drift. Turn your nose up at everybody you meet at the audition. Making friends is for wusses not potential superstars. Do not be unfortunate.

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